My heart has been heavy recently. Living situations for next year, whether or not to run for my sorority’s Executive Council, how to balance my friendships, where to volunteer my time– it’s enough to make anyone crazy.
And that’s exactly what it’s been doing. I spend more time on the phone with my mom saying “I just don’t know– I’m so torn” than I do studying, sleeping, or enjoying time with friends.
I thought instead of focusing on all of the things I don’t know about my future/life in general (which is a lot, in case you couldn’t tell), I would focus on some of the things I do know. Some of the things I know for certain.
I know God loves me. I know He’s got me. I know he knows me by name and walks with me through every step and misstep. I know He will never let me down, and no matter how much He shakes His head and thinks “what am I gonna do with that girl,” He’s got my back.
I know my family is behind me. I know that every time I frantically call my mom and dad saying “I have his weird feeling in my head– is that brain cancer?!” or “I’m in Kroger and didn’t want to shop alone,” they will chat with me and calm me down, judgment-free. (Ok sometimes they judge, but that’s okay).
I know that tomorrow I will have people who love me. Amidst all the chaos & nonsense that goes on in the day, I can count on the people who love me to pick me up. I can count on them to make the craziness seem bearable– to make the impossible days go by a little faster.
I know that I am in control of me and– most importantly– no one else. People are going to let me down, and that’s okay. I am not in control of them or how they react to my decisions. I can only make choices that make me happy and hope that people will stick with me. I know that people will come and go, and I know that I can trust God’s timing with it all.
There’s a lot that I don’t know. There are so many things that are up-in-the-air, and sometimes it feels like it never stops.
But it will.
One day it will all come together, and I will look up at my Lord and say, “Ohhh, I get it now. Thanks, Big Guy.”
Until that day, I’m trusting that I’m in the right spot, with the right people, doing the right things. Because God just wouldn’t do me wrong.